Waiting for the wrong train

Waiting for the wrong train

This is a metaphor that grew out of working with various clients over the last couple of years and from my own reading. I was thinking of the idea in ACT that clients can get stuck in a place of "things must get better, then I'll get moving". In this sense our clients (and dare I say, often ourselves as well)get stuck on our 'buts'. Sort of like "I know where I want to go but....I have this thing....it must go away or get better before I can do X,Y,Z". So we wait for our problems to leave or change before we can go on our merry way. So much so that chances to actually move in our valued direction may be missed, life passes us by while we wait for things to improve or while we avoid our discomfort.

So before I go on anymore, here is the metaphor I came up with.

"Imagine you are going on a journey. Somewhere really special, where you really want to go, somewhere you've wanted to go your whole life. When you get to the train station you see two trains, one is a bit odd looking and strange, some of the seats look a bit hard and overall it looks a bit dirty and uncomfortable. On the next platform, there is a different train; it's a super train. It looks familiar, safe, reliable, the sort of train an accountant or an insurance sales man might prefer. The sign says it has air conditioning, a cinema, and a fancy all you can eat French restaurant that is free. You think, wow! I just have to take this train, I couldn’t possibly make my journey on that other one, no way! So you wait for this 'great' train to get ready to board and the odd looking train goes on its way. And you wait for the safe train some more and another odd train leaves the station, and another. All the while you are waiting for a chance to board this great reliable train so you can take your journey, as yet another odd looking one leaves. But here is the thing. What if the safe train can't ever board, what if it won't ever leave the station. What if you are waiting for the wrong train?"

Like most process in ACT there is no definitive right time to use this metaphor. It could be discussed like the man in the hole exercise, or I suppose it could be done more experientially, especially if your client has a clear idea of their values and can visualise stuff very clearly. However, I think what I am trying to get at is

1. You know where you want to go in life, what are you prepared to have/experience to get there?

2. If we can't ever have discomfort, where does that leave us?

3. How does waiting for the good ol' predicable train work in terms of actually moving towards our values and goals.

the metaphor was tweaked slightly after sharing it with the listserve for feedback. It was also realised by one person who gave me feedback, that the metaphor may lend it self to further tweaking. Essentially we have 2 trains, one that will help clients move forward that might be difficult and another one that they would rather wait for. It should be possible to alter the descriptions of the 2 opposing trains to better fit our clients difficulties.

So if the metaphor makes sense, if it seems to connect with some of the difficulties your clients are struggling with, then give it a go. If you do though, please feedback on how it went, what they made of it etc.

Aidan Hart

Trains leaving the here and now station metaphor

Trains leaving the here and now station metaphor

Trains leaving the station metaphor--which one do you choose?Airan, Thanks for the train metaphors; I'm going to use them. The following similar metaphor popped up in my mind while reading your note: What about asking a client (or ourselves) to make a choice between two trains ready to leave the here and now station? One is an uncomfortable train and is moving in a valued direction; the other is your luxury, ultra-comfortable train and is moving exactly in the opposite direction. Which one are you going to choose? Best, Koke


TWO TRAINS - Comment submitted by DrEickleberry on February 20, 2019.

Koke:

This is a great addition to the train metaphor. In fact, I’ve found it to have terrific utility with substance abuse. The luxury train (the one that represents drug/alcohol use) is easy to get on and initially comfortable, however, because it is going in the wrong direction, it eventually leads to a place that is less comfortable and much further from where you want to be, which is in itself distressing. Staying on the luxury train indefinitelty also will eventually lead to distress....you’ll become bored, the train will break down, etc. The less savory train (represents the difficult path to sobriety) may not be as much fun initially, but leads to a place bettrer than the other train can ever take you. Hope this is useful!

Lori

Koke Saavedra